Our Wonderlands

By: Greyson Huneycutt

There is this caving in that
I feel in my body
And sometimes all I see is black
I don’t know what it is
But it’s not comforting to me

 

There is this silence that I feel
That is never escaping until I start to cry
I close my eyes and try to think of things
that make me smile

 

This method never works but,
I seem to still do it
I pick the bottles up from my tabletop
More than a spoonful
More than a bottle
It all creeps down my throat

 

I don’t feel it at the first
The decision that I have made
It isn’t after the hallucinations
That I understand what it is
That I have done

 

Once the flowers start to talk
and the walls start to shake
I know that I am Alice
and this is my Wonderland

 

I like the feeling
It sets my world back
It makes me forget what is
Real and what is
Reality

 

Sister I am known for my sin
and I am known as the boy that has ruined
this family
but in the few seconds of this
I can forget
Who I am

 

I don’t like who I am
or what I have become
Because I have lost everyone
but I don’t have the will power
to change this actions

 

So let me walk in my Wonderland
Let us walk together
We can meet the Mad Hatter
He understands us

 

I know you don’t understand
why I do this
But it is the same reason
That you like to wait
for nothing in the dark night
Outside with
No one

 

It is the same reason why you
Dress up
Put on makeup
Just so you can
look dead
and sometimes you do it to your friends

 

Most people don’t even know you do that
Until you post something that is deep
and creepy
I don’t like it

 

But you do
Just like how you’re not into these things I do
to myself
Because you don’t need these pills
to know what Wonderland is like

 

I see it in your actions
you have an non escaping world within yourself
Just like I have no escape of reality
with this world

 

We both have problems
But you conquer yours
and you
Make it seem as though
you don’t even have these feelings

 

Why can’t I escape it like that?
Maybe its because your
World
your Wonderland
is better than mine

 

Maybe that’s why we don’t talk to each other
and you don’t stay home
Maybe that is why when you stay here
You’re always writing or listening to music

 

And when I actually get the chance
to talk to you
You always give me advice
You’re not protective over me anymore
but we still have one bond
Some how….

 

Maybe its because we both
love our Wonderlands
and bond over that
Because I know if you had been able to choose
who your brother and who your other sister is
You would have chosen her
But not Me.