Three Poems by A.A.
15 yrs old, South Carolina

Bio:

I was born and raised in one of the many small towns of South Carolina. Truthfully, I have never been very outgoing or athletic or anything like that, so school has basically always been my favorite thing to participate in. I especially enjoyed English, and I have been a part of more advanced classes since I was in elementary school. However, it never became a big deal until I began going through my teenage years.

I am almost 15 years old, and have already been the victim of an unstable home life, sexual harassment, depression and severe anxiety. Last fall, a combination of these things lead me to attempting suicide. However, since then, I have been focusing on my writing. I write about what hurts and the things that still keep me awake late at night sometimes. I write about the things that changed my life, for both the better and the worse. Since I have began focusing on my own poetry, I have also been reading other peoples writing, and honestly it is the best feeling when you read something that relates to your own situation. I have learned from experience that being alone is the worst feeling, and that is exactly what I want to accomplish with my writing. I want someone to read my words and know that they are not alone. I want some little girl (or boy) to stop beating themselves up over things that they cannot change. Nobody deserves to have such a rough time throughout their lives, but when it happens, it is so important that they know that they are NEVER alone. Below are the three poems that mean the most to me, personally.

1.

They told her it was nothing,
& that she must have it all wrong.
They even kind of wondered,
why she was afraid of him at all. They told her she was crazy,
that she must have lost her mind.
They even tried to explain
how everything would work out fine. No one listened to her cries,
nobody seemed to care,
the only thing that seemed to help,
was hiding every tear.
She looked for things to numb the pain,
for ways to block it out.
She found them in the darkest ways
without even a doubt.

& when they did no longer work
she took things even further,
because in an instant
she decided that her life should be over.

A.A

2.

I miss the days when we were kids,

you always had my back.
I never had to worry
about the things I’ve always lacked.

You knew about my deepest flaws
but you concealed them deep within,
I have never had to worry about hearing them again.
For I knew that you were different,
that you’d never let me down,
I knew that you made up for all the things I live without.

“Best friend” is promise that we choose to keep each day,
& though you may not hear my voice,
just imagine what I’d say.

You know I’d say I love you
& that I’ll never let you down,
For if you ever need me,
all you have to do is shout.

& even if I’m dead and gone,
you mustn’t fail to call,
for you’ll feel my arms around you
even when you start to fall.

A.A

3.

I have been told that I’m lucky,

by the people who stand on the outside walls,
and that I will never have to worry about standing all alone,
but who are they to say such
when they’ve never seen them break,
when they have never watched them walk away
pretending it’s okay?

I know all of the games they play
perhaps a bit too well,
hiding in the shadows,
of this never ending hell.
But sometimes it still gets me
when they tell me that I’ll fail,
when they tell me to stop trying
because none of this will count.

Many sleepless nights we shared
hiding from the truth,
we said that things would be okay,
but really we both knew.

It wasn’t fair to anyone,
the things we had to hear.
The things that made me wonder
how long you would remain near.

But I suppose that that’s the reason
that you’ve never left my side,
because what is one bright shining star,
without the dark night sky?

A.A

*Note from the Poet Warriors Project: Suicide is preventable. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please get help today. Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255